Sunday, November 29, 2009

Bon Voyage

Every time I drive to the airport I am filled with anxiety. Three out of the last four trips I have taken friends to the airport they have missed their flights. You never know if you will make it in time when driving from Lincoln to Omaha. Allison missed her flight completely last time, Lance has missed his flight the last two times, so as you can see the odds are not in your favor. I made it in the nick of time only to discover that my flight had been delayed 30 minutes.

After going through the TSA security check point, I was in quite a bad mood! This next statement might get me red flagged, but I do not care, I think TSA is the dumb! They make you think that you are safe but really you are not any safer, just inconvenienced! I hate taking my shoes off; who do they think I am Maxell Smart? Its not like I have a bomb in my shoe, I don’t even think it is a real threat. If someone tried to highjack a plane post 911, the passengers would just kill them, we don’t need TSA. TSA is just another way the US government waste our tax dollars and invades our privacy!

When I arrived in San Francisco, Lance met me at the gate, to my relief. By this time I had calmed down. Lance had the great idea to rent a car for the next five hours so we drove down to the bay area. It was really a lot of fun. Lance almost drove down a flight of stairs. We went to Tartine’s bakery and cafĂ©. I spent $20 on pastries but I didn’t even care, the pastries were so good! We visited the Golden Gate Bridge, did a little exploring around the old military batteries, traveled down to the pier, and even found some time to eat at In-n-Out.
The day should be ending right now, it is 12:00AM in Lincoln and 10:00PM in California but our journey is only starting.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Home Depot

Every product at Home Depot has a season. Toilet plungers and sewer snakes are now in season! In fact they will be in season until the start of the New Year. I can’t honestly say that I have seen an increase in sales for these products. But I will say that last week someone pooped their pants and then abandoned their underwear in the men’s bathroom.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Molotov Cocktail!

I had never had a Molotov cocktail before. So when I had to opportunity to mix up one of those dangerous drinks, I was filled with excitement and anticipation! Later when I would tell a friend at work about this experience, he asked me if the drink had a kick? My response to his question was its explosive!

A Molotov cocktail isn’t what it sounds like; it most certainly isn’t a drink as my friend at work would later learn. You might have seen these cocktails used in the movies. Nazis, Communist, Fascist, and other extremist like to use this very affordable tool to reek havoc on innocent civilians. Rather then continue to go into detail I would prefer simply just to show you.

We are probably the worst arsonist ever! It took us three tries before we had a successful explosion.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Apple War

Apple Jack King

“Hey what are you doing?” What does it look like? I am trying to hide inconspicuous behind your apple mansion. Lucky the Apple Jack King hadn’t detected me so obviously he couldn’t be talking to me. Puzzled I looked around to see who he could be talking to. I didn’t have to look far, there was my shameful friend Luke Beazley urinating on his fence. Luke’s reply was um… peeing? The Apple Jack quickly replied with “I know exactly what you are doing!” Apparently he had the impression that Luke was doing something much more then just going to the bathroom. Irritated and fuming the Apple Jacks next move was to call the police, very irrational for the situation I thought but at least it was setting the stage for a better story.

Sardines was the name of the game (it is hide and go seek only backwards, one person hides while everyone else searches for the person hiding, when they find them they too must hide with them). The Nebraska C
ity Apple Orchard was the arena. And the Apple Jack King was the caretaker. At the orchard there is a historic mansion which is part of the park, this is where the Apple Jack King lives. There is no trespassing involved or really any criminal activity; everything was fairly legitimate with the exception of the apple war which we had earlier in the day.

As the story goes, wanting to smoothing things over, Luke went up to the caretaker’s door to try to explain himself and apologize. Unfortunately this really wasn’t going anywhere. Hiding around the corner I listened as the Apple Jack King told Luke that he really didn’t care and that he could explain it to the police when they got there.

It was time to flee, the police wou
ldn’t be there for a few more minutes and plus it is not like we were running from the police, they hadn’t got there yet. By this time, almost everyone involved in the game was aware of the situation that is with the exception of the person hiding. No one could find her so we couldn’t just leave.

Finally we found Claudia. We split into two groups; those that would go get the cars and those that we would meet up with us at another park down the street. It was ironic; the police cruiser drove by on the main road and then groups of us jumped out of the bushes to go our separate ways.

Safely in the car, I drove down to the park to pick up the others. I found them on the road halfway there, for a moment I slowed down to pick them up only to accelerate as the police cruiser pulled out of the park entrance.

My friends were goners. The police pull them over. I quickly fled the scene. There were two other cars so we designated a meeting spot and waited it out. There was really no reason to worry, its not like we were really guiltily of anything. Never the less some did worry as we waited for a phone call from those that were now in the custody of the police.

Twenty minutes later we got the expected call. The police just asked them if any of them were guilty of the crime. Luke confessed. The police looked at their Id’s. They suggested not urinating in public places in the future and that was it.